Talking to Children about Gestational Surrogacy

If you are considering becoming a surrogate mother, you may be wondering how to explain your pregnancy to your own children. It is important to approach your children with an age appropriate explanation of this unique experience.

Young Children
It is beneficial to offer your young children a more simplified explanation that will help them clearly understand that the baby you are carrying is not their brother or sister and that the baby has parents who are anxiously awaiting his or her arrival. Most young children are able to grasp the concept of surrogacy when given an honest and straightforward explanation such as, “I am carrying a baby for someone who cannot carry a baby in their belly.” A simple explanation should be sufficient enough for your child to understand the pregnancy without overwhelming them with too much information. However, depending on the level of curiosity of your child, you may end up providing a more ample lesson on reproductions.

Tween & Teens
Carriers who have tweens (pre-teens) and teens may choose to see the approval of their children before moving forward with the surrogacy arrangement. Tweens and teens are capable of understanding the science and reasoning behind surrogacy as well as your own personal motives. At this age, your child may be more concerned with what to tell their friends above anything else. You can let them know that they can easily answer their friend’s questions by stating, “My mom is carrying a baby for someone who is unable to carry a child on their own.” This statement is accurate whether the intended parent(s) are a heterosexual couple, a same sex couple or a single individual.

Open Communication
The feelings your children express towards your surrogacy journey may vary at different stages of your pregnancy. It is important for you to remain as open, honest, informative and supportive as possible – even if your child is expressing negative behaviors or emotions. In the end, it is essential that your child understands that although you are carrying a new baby, it does not, in any way diminish your love for them.